1. I have a mild cognitive speech impediment. There is nothing physically wrong with my mouth or throat, but there is sometimes a hiccup between my brain and the muscles in the area. This is why it sometimes sounds like I have an "accent" or just have an odd or inconsistent way of pronouncing vowel sounds. It is the most evident when I have been drinking, am very tired, or am speaking with people with whom I am very comfortable.
2. I did not start speaking in even short sentences until around age 3. Prior to that I had a handful of words, and a fair shake of grunting, pointing, and sometimes screaming. This, coupled with my aversion to touch (and loud noises) and a stunted ability to relate to other children, led to my parents suspecting I place somewhere in the autism spectrum. It was never diagnosed as such, but my mom is still pretty sure.
3. Though I still have difficulty relating to people, I do experience a great depth of empathy. My heart bleeds for you. I would always prefer to experience pain than to let someone else have it.
4. When I was a kid, my tia would leave our home with a parting, "See you later, alligator!" Being the literal-minded autist that I am, I would flip right the fuck out every.single.time. Wailing screams of "I AM NOT AN ALLIGATOR" could be heard across the street. She did it on purpose, to make my parents mad.
5. I had a bike as a child, with training wheels. All I learned to do was ride leaning to one side or the other. I got my leg stuck in the chain and decided never to try again-- until I was 23, and actually learned to ride a bike properly. I still fall down sometimes.
6. I have many irrational thoughts, but three major and highly irrational fears:
6a. If I blow my nose too hard, an unpopped popcorn kernel will force its way from my tear duct.
6b. If I try to wake a sleeping body, it will turn out to be a dead body.
6c. If I take a shower at my sister's house, a beluga whale may come crashing through the tile wall.
7. I used heroin through most of high school. I was intensely secretive about it, and was very careful to keep it hidden. My parents both worked, and sometimes odd hours, and I spent most of my time in my room, floating out of my mind. I wouldn't say I was a "junkie," exactly, as clearly I was still as functional as teenagers get, but it was hard to let go of, and I still sometimes wish I could go back.
8. What started as an odd pain in my belly eventually led to the surgical removal of my appendix. When I spoke to the surgeon the next morning, he described it as "not ready to burst, but plump, and you don't need it anyway."
9. The relationship I have with my best friend can only be described as transcendental, and even that is a trite and contrived description. I stopped cutting myself because I consider her to exist in my veins and viscera, and I feared that every drop of blood lost was a bit of her slipping away from me.
10. I have a lazy eye, and I wore an eyepatch as a youngster to help correct it. Although I am told it is not noticeable, I am intensely self conscious about it and am constantly adjusting the muscles in my face in an attempt to compensate. I'm not scowling at you; I'm trying to make my eyebrows lie evenly.
11. I did not do well in my baking and pastry class (in culinary school). I was a much better butcher.
12. I've never dated, in the traditional sense, and I've never been asked to. [When I say "traditional," I mean to be asked directly and for the implicit purpose of intended romance. It's a formal courtship dance, to which I've not yet been invited.] I also don't know much about flirting or how to read it, so feel free to tell me what's going on. Heh!
13. I have a handling allergy to shellfish and okra. I don't like okra but I will eat the shit out of some crab legs.
14. I studied Spanish for a total of 10 years and never gained fluency (though was proficient in literature).
15. As I understand, I was treated very poorly by a nanny/sitter (and her boyfriend) in my early childhood. I don't remember it, and I am irritated that such treatment may still have left permanent impressions upon my disposition.
16. I have an older half-sister, and a younger half-sister and half-brother, but am genetically an only child.
17. I am insanely jealous of people with less pigmented irises. I find the inescapable brownness of my eyes immensely boring.
18. When I was in summer school (high school) I was stupid and I swallowed half a bottle of excedrin. I just wanted to know what would happen. Of course, it made me very sick, so when I got home I tried to induce vomiting with ipecac. I was not aware of ipecac's potency, and so became uncontrollably sick, and finally I called 911 for help. From the ER I was whisked away to a psychiatric ward, and to this day I feel like no one believes me when I say IT WAS NOT A SUICIDE ATTEMPT. It was just an ill-planned experiment.
19. Around the age of 11 or 12, I was OBSESSED with Savage Garden. While their music is terrible, I still think of them fondly from time to time.
20. My first official hangover happened after a highly irresponsible party during college. I spent about 16 hours vomiting, retching, and shaking. Later I came to realize I probably should have sought out medical attention. Oh, well.
21. I dream with some frequency (and immeasurable detail) about the end of the world. There are different ways it happens, and different points of view, different stories. I'm different people, seeing it through different eyes. I wake up feeling tired, alone, and contented.
22. In my early teens, I was quite talented on guitar-- particularly classical Spanish. Finger-pickin' like a mofo.
23. I process black and white (D-76) film, both 35mm and 120mm, in my kitchen sink. I own an enlarger for printing, but not some other parts (or the space).
24. Due to a hormonal disorder, I am very likely infertile (or, if I do conceive, very unlikely to carry it to term). I am effectively unable to bear my own children (a shared sentiment among many, I bet! Right? heh! ....) Anyway, that's fine. I don't really want kids. It would be irresponsible to pass my genetics along. However, I realize there are many women who want so badly to have children but can't, and being the bleeding heart I am, I wish I could give them what little ability I have.
25. I am type-II bipolar, and reasonably well managed on medication (also, with years of practice).
26. When I am very upset, or very nervous, I stop breathing.
27. I can wiggle my ears. With years of practice, I learned to wiggle them independently.
28. I also frequently dream about having facial deformities. Once, my nostrils fused into one.
29. I have a very small tumor living on my pituitary gland. I often joke, when I have a headache or find myself in a state of confusion, that it must be the tumor growing. I am joking, but deep down, I also worry about it all the time.
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